Am I a fly?

Either I totally missed it, or there’s this whole crazy hard season of mothering no one bothers to warn you about. I’ll be calling it the “am I a fly?” season.
I’m sure I missed it. Because I’ve always embraced it! It’s what we’ve been working toward.

It’s the beginning of adulthood.

And it’s hard. You’re watching your people make their own major life decisions right after they ask indignantly why you won’t let them toss their red top in the load of whites you just started.

For us, tonight, it was a trip to the ER. Several hours after I thought Sheldon would be home I checked in with him “hey what are you up to?”
I get near grunt-like half answers like “at the hospital, ” “got cut at work, ” “it’s bad”.
And no one bothered to tell me?! Doesn’t he need me there? I mean, he’s barely 18 – I don’t even know that he’s ever shopped for shoes on his own!
“What area are you in?” “idk, it’s in town somewhere”.
I know it’s in town somewhere!! I mean what part of the building! See. I need to be there. He doesn’t even know where he is. ….’in town somewhere”… smh.
So off I go. To the ER. For my baby. With that good ol’ mom certainty that “it’s bad” means ‘I cut my hand off’.
I arrive. I find him. I might be a little on edge considering I spent the drive over preparing to find he’s had his arm cut off. But, with relief, I can see he has all his limbs.
And then it all goes to slow motion.
The ER Dr. looks at me and looks away. Like his attention had been diverted by a fly! As if “If I were just a little less apathetic about your presence you’d be on the end of a flyswatter”.

Although, I’m silent, everything inside me wants to blurt out

“I’m the mom!

I’m here!

Tell me what’s going on!

What do I need to do?!”

But all these people, including my ‘adult’ son (<- those are air quotes BTW) just look over at me and then go on about their business!

The Dr. gives him follow-up instructions. Sheldon says “hey, thanks, man”. The Dr. offers to let him keep the suturing tools ‘for fishing’.

What?!! They’re buddies now?!

Sheldon nods at me and says “see you at home in a while”.

And that’s it. Apparently, I am now as useful as a fly!

Welcome to motherhood.

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