I don’t think I’m unique in this… I’m certain I’m not…but I’ve hated my body for so long.
I hated it when I was a cute little girl and my brothers constantly told me how fat I was – as fat as a walrus or as big as an elephant.
I hated my body when my stepmom told me she hated letting me visit my mom because I always came back fat.
I quickly learned the only thing a body was good for was being skinny and mine was letting me down.
I hated my body when it started attacking itself in the form of psoriatic arthritis. Not only does arthritis hurt like hell, but it took music away from me. Music was the air I breathed. My soul was connected to my instruments via my fingers and I lost that connection. I hated my body for it.
I’ve never been friends with my body or appreciated it. No, I was mad at it because so many of the heartaches I had experienced were related to getting stuck with a shitty body.
But that is changing. Oh, how that’s changing.
I’m slowly learning to love and appreciate my body. To be grateful for the things it can do… For the strength it’s building and the new things I discover everyday my body can do. Things I was sure were impossible!
I’m learning to recognize the incredible things it has been able to do all along. No, it isn’t the size I want it to be and it definitely has some problems, but it has always been powerful. My power.
This week Matt and I went to Palo Duro Canyon.
We ran.
And we hiked.
And we climbed.
My body did all the things I asked it too. Including climbing 80% of the way to the top of the mountain. Twice! (and that’s another story, haha)
My body wouldn’t have done those things back when I hated it. We have come so far.