Normal.
Doesn’t really seem like the Holy Grail when you look at it like that, does it?
But when someone has — when I had ‘normal’ stripped away from me, it’s all I wanted. That’s it. I just want to be normal.
For most of my life that’s what I’ve fought for, just for everything to be normal. You know, fake it ’til you make it.
And to be honest, I’ve done a damn fine job.
I’m Sandy Jagmin with a normal life, happy family, healthy marriage, stable and boring, in control of my behavior, in control of my emotions.
I’m kind of like blue ribbon winner in normal, and no one would ever think different.
But the thing I’ve recently come to understand. The thing I want to share with other’s who’ve experienced abuse. The thing that has given me more peace and freedom than I can describe…. Is that there is something better than being normal.
Seen.
It’s simple, but it’s so healing and restorative. Seen.
I’m 36 and I’ve only just now learned this. If so much if you has to be unseen for you to be normal…. then normal is not for you.
Please see me. See my joy, see my pain, see the thoughts and memories that still haunt me. See. My. Fight.
And the things I’ve overcome. See me – sad, suspicious, protective, insecure as hell, strong, happy, determined, kind, loving me -please see me.
See me because it makes me whole.
See me….. Because there is a vast sisterhood of women and girls with similar stories sitting in the dark, alone, terrified but deeply wishing, and so, so worthy of being truly seen. And when you see me…. they will know you’ll see them, too.